Tag: Blogging
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The weight that you cared more.
It was nearing spring break of my sophomore year. Since the call in November, I had been home every Saturday, and wallowed every Sunday. I skipped so many plans. I felt myself distancing from my roommates, my friends, and everyone. I wasn’t there; I couldn’t blame them. They always asked.…
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Deliverance by nature herself.
As the horizon begins to clear, I am left again to consider a familiar foe. A reason. It’s in these times that I began to envy those that either never were without, or have found theirs. I don’t resent what has happened. Not anymore. I don’t hate those with better…
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If I want free, I must forgive
It is hard to need someone who is gone. Need someone who was never there. Either by reason of their own or a power greater, couldn’t be there as you needed them to be. Being angry, releasing the guilt, and freeing myself from my mother includes reconizing how much I…
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never looking at him again
It began with conversations at school. I had a few friends, and I began to speak blasé about certain truths. We were all burdened. And though likely unhealthy, we were all desperate for understanding. Trauma, and weighted stories were shared, like reflections on the weather. I spoke of my mother.…
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I want to live another way.
Once you’ve broken a habit, it can be hard to come back. I’m not disappointed, nor do I think anyone is. But when I count the days it’s been since I posted, it’s harder to come back. But I am. There’s more work to do, more to clear from my…
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Live a life I’d be proud of.
I found my mother’s cards. The ones she sent to me when I left for college. When I thought I had left for good. They’ve all begun to fade. All of them, but one, were repurposed from cards she saved over the years. Some old birthday cards, graduation cards, and…
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I will build myself again, if it means freedom
Gratefulness is a strong word. I am not grateful for what has happened to me. I am glad for my resilience, but I reject the notion that the pressure made me, me. I didn’t need the harm. I didn’t need to be victimized. I didn’t need to be raised a…
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Document the burden I carry to set myself free.
We met in class. During the second semester of my disconnect, Your tightly coiled hair that danced down your shoulders. You smile. We decided to partner up for an in-class exercise. I still think about how you picked me that day. Your hand tapping my shoulder. Your eyes. I think about…
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If there is no I, I’ll find peace with that as well
As of recent, I’ve been thinking a lot about self. When bad things happen, I often lose myself. I am preoccupied by fear. Too burdened by survival to live. But once I begin to slow, once I regain control, another concern takes hold. A fear of self. The weight of…
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“I have questions”
On the edge of slumber, a voice came to me. “I have questions” it boomed. And with its words, it took the room in which I lay transported to lay alone; outside the windows of my room now expanded the vast stars. The endlessness outside. As I got up, hinging…