As the horizon begins to clear, I am left again to consider a familiar foe. A reason. It’s in these times that I began to envy those that either never were without, or have found theirs. I don’t resent what has happened. Not anymore. I don’t hate those with better fortune. But I envy those with kinder minds. Envy those who can simply live without constant distraction. I don’t wish to die. But existence is a heavy weight. One only some seem to feel. I wish, like them, to find a reason. Outside the plodding, outside of work, outside needing to continue to survive. To keep the roof above me. I want to find a reason outside of that. Before I end, I want a reason. I want to live a life that is reason enough to continue to the next day. To become enough. To soothe my cruel mind. I want a life past this. Because I don’t think my peace will be here.
Hopefully, my time away will provide answers. I can’t be the only burdened by this weight. This query I now ponder, has to have been answered. I believe there is an answer. And though my path to reason may be different, I’m not the only whose sought answers in the woods.
Deliverance by nature herself.