I have vetted the chain of events in my life. Attempting to find a solution. A way to break the pattern. I don’t wish to live my life only outing to the fearful outside from the safety of my lockbox on wheels. Only doing things when accompanied. I want to feel safe alone. Outside my apartment, alone. I’m done feeling fearful of every person I see when I’m alone. I want to feel unburdened by the potential harm around every corner. I want the peace and comfort I had before it began. The rage of every victim. Every weaker.
Sometimes I question why those who have harmed my friends and me are permitted to breath. Why any perpetrator is still permitted to a life without fear of harm or punishment. The gall. Nature or nurture?
I want to protect myself. I want to protect all. I rage at the fear of so many. The many generations of humans who were only safe with a partner to protect them. Who, even when they caused harm, stayed because any harm they displayed was better than being unowned.
I am going to get stronger. Vexed by the many angry souls. For those that are too worn to be angry.
This will be the document of my survival.